In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
