How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
