I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
