just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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