He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
