its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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