U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
