? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize