it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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