I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
