Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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