I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
smell my finger.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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