I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
