I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
