just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
