Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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