i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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