So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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