But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
