My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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