Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
