No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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