Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
