I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
