Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm too high and old for this...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
