butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize