I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
