Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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