So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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