Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He shit in the fireplace
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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