I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
