I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
