Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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