just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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