I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
