So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize