meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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