When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
