i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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