Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
