Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
