Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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