I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
