Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
