Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
