the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
