Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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