She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's the barista slut.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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