How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
