oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
