I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
