And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm at about main and main street
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
