Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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