dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
