You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
