he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
