3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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