Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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