Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
