So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
