I seem to have left my pride at pride
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
