There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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