Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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