If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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