Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
