In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
