I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
