I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
