Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
