I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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