the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
