As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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