When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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