i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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