very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
