What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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