Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My bed smells like the plague
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
