I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
