I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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