if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
